China Arctic Scottish studio now.

Dissident. GRM. 2018-2019

(Nancy Spero 1960’s ‘Dissidances’).

22:00 1st of October 2019. 365 days since we set sail on The Arctic Ocean.

Tonight I cycled through Dundee at sunset.
A tiny thin silver golden crescent surrounded by glowing ember fire Tiger stripes against darkening blue distance.
Freezing hands, first low temperature of this 2019 year.
Then a dark cycle with dazzling stars all around-

Hello Arctic
I feel you, you feel me, we feel each other reaching out.
Antigua sailing boat energy peacefully floating, calving through sacred spaces.
Arms circling up to the sky as I cycle and then the Arctic air lulled me to halt, feel, see, connect in stillness.

Open sky, stars kissing the silhouetted hedgerows and rising in telescopic armies up to the zenith, the center of space, above each individuals perspective- a personal and universal experience, somewhat nothing when compared to global disasters and yet that oneness, felt through stillness is part of everything, infinitely connected in the molecular metropolis.

One space open journeying
China Arctic China Scotland
A two year journey
Two Eagles, two beings, these places:

:China, HK, (not allowed to leave China to visit ❤ Taiwan), Vietnam, UK, China, Arctic, Oslo, China, Nepal, Thailand, China- Chinese New Year, fly free, London, Glasgow, escape, Scotland, Northumberland, Lewis, Dundee, Fife, Dundee, fife, Grantown- On- Spey, Dundee, Fife, Dundee, Fife Dundee, Grantown- On- Spey, Ullapool, Scotland, onward…

One hundred Pigeons are circling outside my studio again, soaring flapping, fluttering.
mourning shrouding clouds
mourning the death of tibetan monks and the spiritual havens I visited and now visit me in paintings
early morning haze and mist and sky pressing down towards Earth with only a small space left to breath! Dreams and then big deep grounding inhales cycling long and fast from Fife to Dundee…
Auchtermuchty to China!

05.09.19 Falling heavily pouring fast into the abyss of painting
My soul is beginning to tip off the edge of the cliff
Cascading like a handful of diamonds
Tiny droplets falling in rhythmic unison
A million droplets
An exploding star
The force has been building for about one year
On the 20th of August 2018 I departed the UK to
Return to China
My heart, body, soul were all shocked
My being was being lead by my mind,
My responsibility,
My desire to learn more,
My intrigue… my yearning to understand
Since then I have felt unsettled
Rocking back and forth around the globe
Oscillating between an 18 million person city- Chongqing
And the sacred space of The Arctic Ocean
With wide ranging contact at other map points- Australia, Scotland, England, America, Taiwan….
Stretched thin# not being in one place-
Where is home?

What is being
Nothing and everything
Extreme transitions
Now I have a studio- my own place to
Unpack and flow

REINDEER ANTLERS GLOW

Like the heaviest rain helter-skelter-like droplets
I have been pregnant in and
With anticipation of settling
Bloated with the strain of constant packing and journeying
Now I am giving birth to my souls waterfall
WHAT A RELIEF IT IS TO BE BLEEDING
(Blood + Rain!)

Heavy feet shoes boots filled with water
I am made of water
Mourn and feel and express

I wanted to get to the sea and space- Holy Island was close, in this dream, when I was in Chongqing…

07.09.19 THE LANDSCAPE A TEACHER
ARCTIC
Dissolved into- simultaneously,
Nothing and
Trillions of pieces of everything
O N E N E S S
No Loneliness
Although physical separation can be challenging, there is acute joy to be felt in connections which surpass the body
True, deep, enduring telepathic, visceral love.
A balloon. A bird in the vast sky
A pine tree. A branch holding a nest.
Tethered and
Free,
Beautiful harmony.

08.09.19 Loch Coire! Glen Eanich
An infinity of Rainbows!

04.08.19 Druridge Bay, Northumberland.
The coast has changed over the last year and a half.
I’ve been to China and back, to the Arctic and back…
I’ve seen the crumbling glaciers and the sprawling urbanization
Sadly calving ice and destructive growing cities-
The sand dunes have changed shape, the tides are high
The North Sea is ebbing and flowing down between Arctic Svalbard
And across to the Northumbrian coast. Back and forth an energy exchange
The tides are high
The Moray is changing
The space between Earth and Sea is evolving fast
The planet is changing
The paintings are coming soon!
17:50 RAUCUS SEA POWER!
The drama of giant waves and barking dogs
And one white Swan
Soaring, flapping South at 9am
FOUR SEA SWIMS IN TWO DAYS

24.07.19 Magical tent night, Good morning dew. Uig Skye.
Diamond sharp mind
Brain thoughts crystal clear
Cleansed by amazing nature
Quraing rock needles sea inside outside in awe love
Perfect partners fairy glen purge and
Message. Deprived of love aware and whole
Connected again: peace
More pleasantly than I have been for a long time
Landscape (teaching) learning
Aware of full and healing love
Been doing giving in awareness
Whole one I healing and
Thank you Hazel wood message
“deprived of love”
You pulled me on a pink and purple ribbon
Through the leaves, mossy bog and sun beams
To the light and my awakening reality
Awareness
Xie xie ni.

18.07.19 10:20
1 RAW OPEN WOUND
NEED SPACE NOW BLEEDING
STUDIO POURING BLOOD
I AM POURING BLOOD
READY TO EXPLODE PAINTINGS
EARTH MY SPINE OCEAN NERVOUS SYSTEM FRAYED .

2019 China- UK transitioning. Scotland now 18.07.19. One being scar open, love I healing GRM.
Feeling my new container, internal, external, new ballast. External landscape, ice beings
World Aerosols
Oil poison
Polluted Ocean
Dark waves
Black froth
Severed spinal cord
Universi bleeding now

July 2019
One body one world
One third eye
One heart
One central axis
One spine
One magnetic pull
One core
Northern Hemisphere
Southern Hemisphere
Focus center eye now 1 I being
Nervous system energy
Polar night
And sun rise
Midnight sun
And twi-light
True north
Pool water flow
One pull
PAINTING GRM NOW.

1st of July 2019 23:20
North pole
Far and one
Magnetic pull
Channel express
Volcanoes lava eruption
Hot
Communication
Core hot ice
Crust cold fire
Balance
Separate and connected
Giant
South pole.
Locale
Universal
The poles
Affect the whole planet
True energy flow connect.
Balance contrasts
One universe
Feel whole reality
1 being
Own Night Evolve
Rare Energy Action Light
New Orbit World
.

20.06.19 Summer Solsctice

135 days since I left China
How deeply has the culture gone into my consciousness?
The surface city residue was purged in the Arctic- healing air and crystal ocean-
The spiritual purge and emotional relief began the moment I took off in the air- flying away from China
Now the structural mental interruption is surfacing in glitches- brain confusion, internal debate and tussle regarding which element of the self can now take precedence.
Realigning is happening the transition has been more joyous delightful and also more complex and tough than I knew it could be.
21.06.19 Solstice Sunset. Bicycle, sketchbook, pens and supper. Tollcross Park, Glasgow
Now the sun in setting. In Glasgow on the hill. 10pm? No clock. Light light sky and cobalt zenith. Fresh green grass and closed cool Daisies.
Shadowy Grey, Violet and Pink veil above
Cobalt zenith which fades to a geachy grey curtain over luminescent milky lime and lemon
Above the horizon, 10:30pm Sky colours
05:45 awake, heavy blood release, unlocked bleed
Grm solstice conscia alighing now
At peace. Fairwell cities. Chongqing. Glasgow
Letting go
Humble
22.06.19
Clouds cry
Sea bleeds
Red salt
Arctic pigments
“Old red” Svalbard
Shaman seer
Ancestor spirit ship
GRM painter messenger
Arctic intentions 1 north I ancestors felt visions not forgotten.

28.06.19
A trillion layers of sky
Spectrums of light- sunset Glasgow
Blue yellow and green
ONE BODY ONE ARCTIC WORLD
Body soul heart mind whole circling in presidence
Flowing I
Emerald loch heart murmur? Beat, vibrate
Faint breath
Panic attack
Out of control elements
Body nervous system
Head analysis, information, body was/ is on fire?
Head analysis information, worry, spurs
Nervous system, shock, cold, stay: spirit joy
And nervous system shock
HYPERBOREAN NORTH
“Was the darkness too good?”
Delicate
Fragile
Panic attack
Live bile
Nighmares
Helicopter
Dark, sleep where?
Stree
Subconscious/ conscious
Flow of feeling flight or fight
Stress
One body one world
Transitions
Being I.